When your best isn’t enough

I’m gonna rant a little here, at this point in time, the angst fuel within me. I always thought this was too good to be true, to just be bonded to the hospital after getting my degree here. I knew I had to meet expectations, little did I know that the expectations were not as simple as I thought it would be. I thought saying I tried my best would do the trick but I was proven wrong, I assumed that if I could answer to myself and make my parents smile it would be enough. But i was wrong. The efforts made were not enough, not enough to please my superiors. 

Its a wake up call. 

Even FB know me

Look at what facebook told me! 

Even the internet knows me better than I know myself.. Le Sigh. 

Where am I?

I’m in my thinking zone now so nothing beats scribbling these thoughts on this dead space. I’ve just finish my first semester in University of Manchester reading Pharmacy but what have I learnt? Have I became someone that I thought I have set myself to?

There’s a common phrase that I’ve been using during my past months here, my friends here will expect this phrase of words coming out from me where situation arise while friends who know me since my early teen years will be shock. The phrase “I cannot bothered” may seem abstract and surprising to my friends back home due to my worrisome character. Unfortunately, being here alone has caused me to know that I have to defend myself and that being hurt is the last thing that I want.

I may not have a whole load of life experiences and obstacles in my life as compared to all of you out there, but each experiences that has occurred to me has definitely changed the perception I have on situations.

I wouldn’t say I have forsaken the value of friendship to prevent the pain that one may experience if meet with a “bad” friend as I have a few close friends that I know will walk me through this path. I have made explicit decisions – decisions that I will probably not make back at home.

As adults, we fear too many to dare to live out the dream we want to. We fear rejection and we fear the weak. This fear hinders many from moving forward and to attain what many set themselves to it. Why not be that child in us? That toddler that is amused by a remote control and stuff in the their small mouth to taste the remote control.

I’ve changed. Thou I am at no position to say if this change is good or bad, I shall just embrace it with both my arms to allow this change, to mold my character and shape my personality.
Manchester, you’ve given me such an experience. Thank you for all the moments that occurred.

On a side note, I’ve just came back from Paris. Its been a great 3 days spent with 2 friends and the Parisieans.

Merci d’avoir lu mon message.

What is money?

I just had a conversation with a friend, a conversation in regards to financial freedom and the importance of being wealthy. The conversation did set my mind thinking. There were agreements and disagreements to the conversation whilst being on the thought seems appropriate to write about it.

Personally, my disinterest in business and entering the cooperate world would be a good evidence to my views to money. I do understand the need of money to cover the basic needs and to be happy. But “happy” is a word that has been abused. Can “happiness” be bought then? Isn’t it just an emotion portrayed by the biological system due to the release of serotonin and endorphin in the nervous system?

The monetary system has created a culture that to own high end materials would allow a person to be “happier”. Us, and i literally mean everyone being a slave to this system has taught the biological system to release endorphin and serotonin when we have the ability to purchase these goods.

However, whist having the conversation, I realised the only reason why most of us want to attain financial freedom is due to the main biological need of reproduction. We may have “sufficient” money for ourselves for the moment, but to know that we have to feed our young (like animals), we will have to hunt for necessities that they will need – these includes education, food, shelter etc. We believe that it is our responsibility to let them have financial freedom as money has always seem to be adult’s business. The only reason why I mentioned “moment” earlier in the paragraph was due to the fear we have in ourselves due to life’s unpredictability of the future.

The culture has accepted that the paper representing some numerical value is a common means of trade which is supposedly beneficial for the country. But one should not replace human love to monetary love (greed) where he destroys the individual and pierce the person in grief.

I’m probably not the best person to comment on this due to the opportunity of that I have. But I believe that there will be more answers out there where others continue to search for the “right” amount of money to have.

Where am I?

I’m in my thinking zone now so nothing beats scribbling these thoughts on this dead space. I’ve just finish my first semester in University of Manchester reading Pharmacy but what have I learnt? Have I became someone that I thought I have set myself to?

There’s a common phrase that I’ve been using during my past months here, my friends here will expect this phrase of words coming out from me where situation arise while friends who know me since my early teen years will be shock. The phrase “I cannot bothered” may seem abstract and surprising to my friends back home due to my worrisome character. Unfortunately, being here alone has caused me to know that I have to defend myself and that being hurt is the last thing that I want. 

I may not have a whole load of life experiences and obstacles in my life as compared to all of you out there, but each experiences that has occurred to me has definitely changed the perception I have on situations.

I wouldn’t say I have forsaken the value of friendship to prevent the pain that one may experience if meet with a “bad” friend as I have a few close friends that I know will walk me through this path. I have made explicit decisions – decisions that I will probably not make back at home. 

As adults, we fear too many to dare to live out the dream we want to. We fear rejection and we fear the weak. This fear hinders many from moving forward and to attain what many set themselves to it. Why not be that child in us? That toddler that is amused by a remote control and stuff in the their small mouth to taste the remote control. 

I’ve changed. Thou I am at no position to say if this change is good or bad, I shall just embrace it with both my arms to allow this change, to mold my character and shape my personality. 
  

Manchester, you’ve given me such an experience. Thank you for all the moments that occurred.  

On a side note, I’ve just came back from Paris. Its been a great 3 days spent with 2 friends and the Parisieans.

Merci d’avoir lu mon message.